March, spring and the Sun have arrived. I was in my final year of high school in a big city. My graduation celebration was coming close, as well as a prepared dress and a school excursion. Oh, how beautiful life is… thousands of plans, joys and expectations. Everything clear and sparkling at my fingertips, just waiting for me to grab it all and live. The year 2020 was so promising…
And then everything collapsed like a house of cards. My desire to continue my education in the capital, full of possibilities and perspectives, was suddenly stopped. I returned to my small place and was overwhelmed with online classes, newspapers, instructions and expectations of professors, who themselves were disoriented, scared and insufficiently trained. All my knowledge, skills and successes so far were put to the test. Unable to shake off the feeling that I was left to myself, I lost faith that in such conditions I would be able to successfully finish the school year and enroll in the desired faculty. We lost in-person classes, a living word, help, guidance and preparation for final exams. The opportunity to realize my dream and enroll in the Faculty of Dramatic Arts melted away. There was no acting school nor acting teachers in my small town, so my preparations for the entrance exam were interrupted.
I felt as if someone had extracted air out of my lungs. Tears of helplessness and anger welled up in my eyes, alternately. Everything stopped, got blocked and frozen. In disbelief, I watched the world stop. And indeed, we are all obsessed with the inevitability of knowing that we are powerless, weak and that the planet has given up.
I was deprived of the opportunity to personally greet and say goodbye to friends, professors and school. The school year is over and we saw it off through online applications. We were in touch, we heard and saw each other, we were so close, and so far away. The quarantine lasted too long. I went through all the phases with my family in a small apartment – from nervousness to despair. I imagined my friends, myself with my peers on the beach and at parties with loud music. I imagined blue eyes left in a distant city, a sweet love rudely interrupted and taken away from me; I imagined a normal world.
A disease was circling around us, vicious and uncertain. Spreading fear and panic. And then that day came, death crept in and took away a young life. We lost a relative. Horror has taken on a new dimension. We were spasming and feeling numb. Grandma lost her job, and she didn’t say a word. Mom didn’t mention that there were fewer and fewer groceries in the house. Grandpa closed his small workshop and did not complain. We kept silent about our restlessness, despair and fear. They protected each other from themselves and anguish. Life and security were slipping through our fingers. We listened to the news and bad forecasts with disbelief. How to maintain health and peace? TV became a window to the world, and a lot of misinformation and vague instructions came down from it. Social networks made my days easier, or did they? I do not know anymore. Maybe they intensified the feeling of loneliness and isolation even more.
“Social distance” became a necessity, and face masks were a must. We were no longer between four walls, but nothing was as it had been before. Someone spun the roulette wheel and it kept turning. Uncertainty was still there. But at least we could walk around the park.
And then I saw it. A rare beauty, wild flowers grew through a crack in a concrete path. I realized, raised my eyes to the sky and laughed. A rush of strength, energy and joy permeated me. Life will still win. Nature does not surrender. Now you need to be a fighter, you need to be strong and optimistic. Do not give up and do not surrender. Turn temptations and difficulties into a challenge. Let us win and get up. We were disciplined, and now let us be brave. Life awaits us, desires and obligations are still in front of us. Let us give each other strength. Let’s bring up the fallen ones and drag them with us in the race for Tomorrow. This time, stronger and more self-conscious, with the knowledge of transience, true values, true friendships and family strongholds that spread our wings and protect them from the wind. Let’s use and appreciate everything that is given to us in a smarter way. Let’s give more and give ourselves unselfishly. Science has helped us defeat the epidemic, let’s help each other get to know ourselves and make a list of priorities. Let’s deserve and bring back what belongs to us.
Let’s get our future back.